Samples, Science, Writing

Know Your Enemy – MMM: In the Trenches of Organic Chemistry 1

ecology background: chemical formulas         “We’re not literally going to die,” I reminded Natalie as I gathered up my things to leave her apartment and walk back across the street to mine. “I mean, no one’s going to shoot us or anything. The worst that will happen is that we fail–”

“I kinda feel like I might actually fail,” Natalie said, sort of laughing the way people laugh when they’re trying not to cry. I knew that laugh so well by now, had laughed it myself so many times.

I grabbed my huge eight-pound book with the fluorescent green cover and shoved it into my backpack. “Me too,” I admitted. I looked around her living room, to all of our practice tests and answer keys scattered over her couch, chair and coffee table; the erasers bloody with pencil shavings, my pink and purple mechanical pencils and Natalie’s straight-up golden #2s; our notecards in several haphazard piles; our identical molecular models of cyclohexane with their carbons and hydrogens in the most stable chair conformations. Natalie sat on her couch, pulling a plush brown blanket around her shoulders. Her apartment looked like a warzone. “That practice test was brutal,” I said. “I’m the one who couldn’t even finish it.” I had given up early into the second practice test, as per usual, feeling I just didn’t know enough to go forward, every question making me feel more like a failure than the last.

Continue reading “Know Your Enemy – MMM: In the Trenches of Organic Chemistry 1”

Blindness and Disability, Science

When You Are Different, the World is Full of Ignorant Morons, Especially on Twitter

I’m sorry to break it to you if it’s news, but it’s true.

000022671As I’ve mentioned on here many times before, I have albinism. This means I have no pigment and I have low vision but in all other aspects, I’m just like everyone else. Just like other albinos, other people who are blind and visually-impaired, othere people with other disabilities, or who may look different or be classified that way for any number of reasons.

People with albinism do all the things other people do. Well, except tan, I guess. But we live regular lives, unique to each individual. We go to school for all kinds of subjects, we play sports, work as copy-editors or fashion designers or teachers or web designers or scientists or dance teachers or classroom/academic teachers or musicians or roofers or fundraisers for nonprofit organizations or business owners or event planners or pediatric ICU nurses or…the list is endless. We date, have random hookups, get married, have kids. Some of us drive (I don’t). We travel around the country and the world, with others or by ourselves. We write, sing, dance, draw amazingly good cartoons, get politically involved. Some party and like to go to rock concerts. Some go hiking and camping and do all kinds of outdoor activities. You get the idea–the wide variety of activities, lifestyles and interests are the same as anyone else’s.

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Science, Writing

Did She Really Just Say That?!

So, I love Anne Lamott. It’s been awhile since I read it, but Bird by Bird was one of my favorite writing advice books. I’ve taken several writing classes with two wonderful women – Janet Thomas and Susan Reese – and both have read her “shitty first drafts” excerpt to encourage the class to write. I find her funny and wise and kind-hearted. There is a section of Bird by Bird that I can open to naturally, even taking the book off the shelf after years without touching it. I’ll excerpt it here:

  index     “Becoming a writer is about becoming conscious. When you’re conscious and writing from a place of insight and simplicity and real caring about the truth, you have the ability to throw the light on for your reader. He or she will recognize his or her life and truth in what you say, in the pictures you have painted, and this decreases the terrible sense of isolation that we have all had too much of.”
      “Try to write in a directly emotional way, instead of being too subtle or oblique. Don’t be afraid of your material or your past. Be afraid of wasting any more time obsessing about how you look and how people see you. Be afraid of not getting your writing done.
     “If something inside you is real, we will probably find it interesting, and it will probably be universal. So you must risk placing real emotion at the center of your work. Write straight into the emotional center of things. Write toward vulnerability. Don’t worry about appearing sentimental. Worry about being unavailable; worry about being absent or fraudulent. Risk being unliked. Tell the truth as you understand it. If you’re a writer, you have a moral obligation to do this. And it is a revolutionary act–truth is always subversive.”

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Science, TV

Breaking Bad Episode 102 “Cat’s In the Bag…”

Walter White and Jesse Pinkman survived their first cook, their first drug deal (barely), and are escaping with their lives intact and two dead bodies in the back. So they think at first.

This episode is all about aftermath, about the natural and unnatural consequences of what comes next and cleaning up the mess.

And let’s talk about that for a moment, because Breaking Bad takes a turn here that a lot of shows wouldn’t. The pilot episode was fast-paced with lots of dramatic action. It had pants falling from the sky, a fire, a cancer diagnosis, a meth lab bust, blackmail, a meth cook in an RV, a drug deal, two “bad guys” coming after our “heroes,” Jesse getting knocked unconscious, Walt’s ingenuous plot to kill those bad guys with some chemistry, and then a near-miss almost getting caught (not to mention Walt’s almost suicide in the process). And then we get a nice conclusive ending with Walt and Skyler in bed together.

And I think a lot of shows would’ve left it there. The next episode would go on to the next drama of the next cook and the next drug deal. The fact that Breaking Bad doesn’t do that and instead goes back to look at how they deal with getting the RV towed, and how they deal with the two bodies (and later with the fact that Krazy-8 is still alive), shows that it’s going to be a different kind of show. It’s going to hyperserialized, for one thing, novelistic. And the aftermaths of events won’t be swept under the rug or ignored, but rather explored in detail. This is a world of cause and effect. This is a show that’s going to take it’s time and deal with the high dramatics and the internal struggles.

This episode is slower than the pilot, for sure. It’s a different type of episode, and the balance and play of all these aspects is one of the things that makes BrBa so good. I mean, this episode isn’t so much high drama as it is phone calls and coin flips and ultrasounds.

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Blindness and Disability, Science

A Blind Girl in Science Labs

I belong to a lot of mailing lists for blind and visually-impaired members, including blind students, blind people interested in science and engineering, the blind of Oregon, the blind of Portland, and so forth.

One thing that comes up over and over again on these lists, especially the student and science ones, is difficulty with science labs. Maybe a student needs a year of a lab science for their general education requirements. Maybe someone wants to go into science but doesn’t know how to handle labs. Maybe the students know they can find ways to do the labs but the professors or the schools don’t.

It can be really intimidating so I thought I’d take some time to write about this here. I also think a lot of sighted people, once they see or hear about a blind person doing science labs, want to know how it’s done but might not feel comfortable asking. So this is for blind and sighted alike.

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Blindness and Disability, Science, TV, Writing

Foraging Into the Blogosphere

My name is Chrys. I’m a writer, dabbling in different forms and genres, and I’m starting this blog in hopes of connecting and talking with readers, other writers and interesting people of all flavors.

I plan to blog about writing, whether it’s about the primal creative flow; crafting that flow into something more, well, crafty; the love of language and letters; fitting writing into a busy life; getting writing insights from TV, movies, books, music and art; writing groups; the publishing process; or my pet favorite topic, the importance of story. We might do some writing exercises on here, take some polls, have some guest blog posts by other bloggers and writers, discuss our writing favorites and just overall have some freakin’ fun with the written word. A lot of it will be really interactive so I hope you’ll all join in and have some lively discussions, recommendations, opinions, debates, throw-down drag-out flame wars (kidding) and inspiration.

A little about my writing: One of my earliest memories is of sitting on my dad’s lap at age three or so, while my parents went over the letters in the alphabet and what sound they each make. Not long after that, they got a Wheel of Fortune board game. I didn’t know enough to be able to really play, so my parents would make up puzzles out of simple words I did know based around my favorite letter, W: winter, window, flower, snow. And thus began my lifelong love affair with words. In elementary school, I was writing little “books” that were just a few pages long and thinly-veiled mimics of Nancy Drew and The Baby-Sitters Club, and making my family read and rank them.

In high school, I wrote a bunch of short stories, usually with a sci-fi-ish twist, some involving ridiculous characters (there was one who was named after the lead singer of Alice in Chains and spoke in grunge music lyrics) and they’re almost all at least somewhat mortifying. Still, I posted some of the stories, for entertainment under Older Works in the Samples and Excerpts section. After that, I got into a lot of memoir writing, including a full manuscript (which needs some reworking, more about that in future posts) and personal essay writing. Recently, I’ve also started dabbling with screenwriting and TV scriptwriting. I want to continue to explore all these different forms and how they inform each other. I’ll put up some writing samples (don’t worry, they won’t all be from the bowels of my high school-era treasure trove), descriptions of current projects, and snippets and pieces from works in progress.

A little about myself: I have albinism, which means I have really, really pale skin, hair and eyes, and that I’m legally blind. It’s made for an interesting life, to ya know, understate it just a little. Since this is a major topic in my personal essay and memoir writing, and something that the average person doesn’t know a lot about or may have drastic misconceptions about, blindness will definitely be a recurring topic here. I’m already thinking of some potential guest blind bloggers that I hope you’ll enjoy.

Another main theme here will be TV. I watch way too much of it, but there is a lot that us writers can learn from all that watching. TV is a major way that stories are told these days. I watch a handful of shows, but I will give you a heads up from the start that I’m currently really into (read: pretty freakin’ obsessed with) AMC’s Breaking Bad and in my mind, it’s just rich and brimming with insights for writers, or storymakers of any sort, so there’ll be a lot of that type of dissection going on here on this blog. Seriously, if you haven’t already, go watch it. Best show on television, though definitely not for everyone.

There are a few other topics that I expect will play a lesser but not wholly insignificant role here. One is science. I’m a science student right now (and should really be studying organic chemistry right now, instead of trying to cajole you into watching a show about a badass kinda evil organic chemist) so science will no doubt seep in. Plus, David Foster Wallace made it cool to let that inner nerd slide into the writing. On an almost opposite note, I’ve spent a lot of time dabbling in the metaphysical–I’ve done astrology and tarot readings for years–so that’s bound to come up too. As will music, movies, books and other random crap, I’m sure.

But I always want the underlying theme (for the most part, anyway) to be the written word, and story.

~Chrys

Blindness and Disability, Science

More About Medicine

premedFax From the Future: I don’t know if anyone’s seen the show Switched at Birth on ABC Family, but Daphne, one of the main characters, one of the girls who was switched at birth, is deaf and is also pre-med. In general, though her disability is different from mine, I’ve found the portrayal pretty accurate. In this past season (2015), she started her pre-med classes, and I found a lot of her struggles and interactions in that world to be really realistic (well except for on an exam she mixed up cations and anions, which I don’t find realistic at all, but that’s chemistry-related not disability experience). Sometimes the show stirs me up and gets me mad. Sometimes it inspires me to want to tell my own story. Sometimes it kind of makes me nostalgic for the time I was writing about in this post, taking those first chemistry classes.

Now on to the original post:

I announced on my facebook a week or so ago that I’m going pre-med in school, which is something I’ve been thinking about for a long time and want to say more about. I’ve been thinking of it as “my big secret” for awhile, but really it was more just something that was so new, and I was so uncertain of, that I had to keep it to myself for awhile.

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Blindness and Disability, Science

Applying to Jobs with a Disability

ADAFax from the Future: So, looking back at this post is a little disheartening.

I did not get the volunteer opportunity that the post centers around. But what is really shitty is I mentioned in passing later in this post a job that I really wanted, and I also did not get that job, which was almost definitely due to my disability and the company was really shitty about it, and it was a job I was super, super perfectly qualified for. Even the person at the Career Center who was helping me with my resume/cover letter for that job, was sure it was a sure thing. It was awhile ago, but it honestly still really bugs me, a lot, because it was so blatant and unfair, probably one of the times I felt most openly discriminated against. And maybe I’m a little mad at myself for not somehow confronting the situation (though I’m not sure how I could have in a productive way), I just feel a little shitty that I “let them” get away with it. It’s exactly this repetitive experience that makes me feel so weary and unmotivated to keep trying sometimes. This one was a pretty bad one. There’s a separate post about it somewhere in here, maybe I’ll post that next.

Now, for the original post:

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Blindness and Disability, Music, Science, Writing

I Am Not Your Touch Tank Sea Star

IMG_0335So, for whatever reason, I’ve been feeling like putting some of my writing up, so here is a poem I wrote a few years ago, followed by the story of how it came to be.

I Am Not Your Touch Tank Sea Star

When I’m a sea star
I hold the sea’s mystery in my purple
Yet I live at the tips of my spines
Erected like walls to protect
My soft center from being hurt or feeling
The hurt I’ve already been.
As I scavenge along the bottom
For bull kelp and sea lettuce
I cling to any steady surface
With tube feel like a miser who knows
I don’t deserve the water
And I don’t let anyone touch me

Sometimes I’m a sea cucumber
Spikes only ward my demons off for show
I let them go tender
And as I lay exposed
My past creeps up behind me
Slithering inside my open sores
Carrying their torches of truth
I feel them settle in my gut
So I twist it around them, bunch it up
With a hurl I eviscerate my organs
And scramble to grow new insides

Once I was an octopus
Used eight arms to lift the top of the holding tank
Squeezed out, dropped to the floor and crawled
Through the crack under the door
Famished on the sand, inching forward
Telling myself I will not let them
Make me let myself die
If I can give me a little slack and a lot of love
I might make it
Back to the deeper seas I knew before captivity
Where they can’t coax me back
To put me in the big tank, captive
For their audience
I am free

On a blue moon I’m a blue dolphin
On waves with deeper frequency
Intelligence unfocused on rational thought
Feel no shame for stranding myself
To help a member of my pod in need
Sensed out with echolocation
Weathered harsh, howling storms
By surrendering to their windblown frenzy
I know the patterns of Earth’s turning
I have been to blue depths

Today I just want to be
Myself
Deep down
I am
The sea.

Continue reading “I Am Not Your Touch Tank Sea Star”

Music, Science

Gearing up for Winter 2010

psuskybridgeClasses start on Monday! In one sense it feels like I’ve been on break forever, and in another it feels like it’s all starting up again so soon.

My main class will be the continuation of the biology class I took last quarter. This time though, the focus will be on evolution for the first half of the term and plant form and function for the second half of the term. I’m excited for both, though I read somewhere that in the evolution section the students have to memorize phylogenetic trees (basically these charts with branches showing how closely or distantly different species are related based on their rRNA sequences) and that sounds a bit tedious.

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